There are two great lies being circulated and believed today. Atheism is the first and foremost lie. While I have no problem with atheists personally, it is preposterous to assert that God does not exist, and then to claim that “I am in a sincere search for truth, and oh, by the way, there’s one area of investigation that is off-limits – God.” Why would anyone assert such a thing, and in effect, walling off an entire field of study that could inform ones search for meaning and truth?
The second great lie that is being swallowed by a culture in moral free fall is pornography and the associated deception it promotes. The belief that a little pornography is harmless actually sets one up to accept the entire package of deceit. “She’s there because she wants to be. Look at how hungry her eyes are; how much she is affirming me as a man.” But in reality, the “she” or “he” is just pixels on a screen or a series of dots on a page, airbrushed and presented as something that will meet our deepest needs of intimacy. She may look hungry for you men, but it’s all a facade.
These beliefs set you up for deception – you start to believe the Lie. Here are the lies about women that pornography tells you (with some help from Sex and Lies, an article by Gene McConnell and Keith Campbell).
Lie # 1: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down. She’s just a series of body parts.
Lie #2: Women are a “sport.” Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to win, conquer or score.
Lie #3: Women are property. It’s common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It’s not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.
Lie #4: A woman’s value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called degrading names, simply because they don’t fit into porn’s criteria of the perfect woman. In fact, if someone is attracted to a heavyset woman, porn labels that a fetish, which means sexual obsession or hang-up that isn’t “natural.” Porn doesn’t care about a woman’s mind or personality, only her body.
Lie #5: Women like rape and sexual abuse. “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn eroticizes rape and makes it arousing. Women are shown being tied up, beaten, and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and finally begging for more. Even while being tortured, the porn actors and actresses have a smile on their face — a look of intense enjoyment. Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment. Men don’t see them as created in God’s image.
Pornography is a lie people believe. It will not satisfy your sexual drive; it will always ask for more of you. Before long, you will not just have an addiction; the addiction will have you. There are many beautiful wives in Victoria Secret night-ware who fall asleep every night alone because a husband can’t give up his late night pornography habit.
Dr. Victor Cline says that sex and pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine. There are five stages of addiction…
1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door. The average age of first exposure is under 10 years of age.
2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You’re hooked. You can’t quit.
3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn’t excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can’t find it.
5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic and digital images of porn to the real world.
Emily Efurd, a licensed marriage and family counselor who has been working with sex addicts for over a dozen years. Emily offers some bottom line steps to overcoming sex addiction and the lie of pornography:
1. Recognize how you got where you are by examining the small but important choices you have made over time.
2. Confess it all as sin and choose to repent by changing your behavior. Slam the door on your former behaviors.
3. Stop masturbating, which is a type of substance abuse, to pornography. (The brain chemicals activated by arousal and orgasm are a specific chemical substance that can become addictive.) Take all your sexual energy to your spouse.
4. Stop objectifying women as sex objects or body parts and train yourself to see them as real people. For example, look them in the eye and note their eye color; note their hair color. Again, women are image-bearing creations of God. Give them the respect they deserve.